i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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