I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
should my penis look like a turkey
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
