I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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