I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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