I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
