I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
