I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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