She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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