Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
