I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
