You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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