my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
