Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
