Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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