i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Randomize
