is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
