You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
