is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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