i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
