Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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