i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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