so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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