I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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