i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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