if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
