I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
