Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
