U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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