i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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