also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
