im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
she smelled like a LAN party
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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