Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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