Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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