I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
