I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
