Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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