If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
