Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
