i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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