The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
