Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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