Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
