I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
