Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
if only i could text you this smell
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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