she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
