I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
