Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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