cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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