I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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