I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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